York Guides

I’ve had this physical problem with my head for over 16 years now, at best I feel spaced and disoriented and at worst I feel dizzy and get headaches. I first went to see a doctor about it when I was 19, he didn’t know what was wrong with me and sent me on my way with some placebos (found this out later). I figured that maybe it was a temporary thing, perhaps something that some teenagers go through, but it kept being the same year after year – dizziness, disorientation, and generally feeling spaced out all the time. I’ve been going to see a GP about once every three years (all different doctors as I’ve moved house a few times), hoping that just maybe one of them will know what I’m talking about and make positive suggestions. The only thing is every one of them after the first has based his or her diagnosis on what the previous doctor has written in my notes, nothing ever happens, nothing changes – all they ever do is talk to me for a few minutes and tell me that there’s probably nothing wrong with me if I’ve been feeling this way for so long, 3 years, 6 years, 9 years, 12 years and now 16 years, they all say the same thing and do the same thing, absolutely nothing!

I recently changed my doctor to the one next door to where I live and thought I may as well give him a try, it’s been a few years after all so they might be able to help – also I’ve been getting tinnitus, worse headaches and more extreme dizziness this year so I thought I might be taken more seriously. Anyway, my new doctor spends a few minutes looking through my notes, speaks to me for two minutes, then, surprise surprise, says that he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with me. I even plead with him that surly that fact that I’m sitting there telling him there is something wrong with me must count for something, to which he just shrugs and refers back to the notes like all the other doctors have. So I say what about the tinnitus then, that’s a new thing that’s not in the notes? So he concedes to arranging an appointment at the Ear, Nose and Throat department for me to have my ears checked out.

So today was my appointment at the hospital after a two-month wait, but hey I’ve been waiting 16 years for something concrete and physical to happen. I got my ears checked out and they are fine as far as my hearing goes; the doctor assures me that my tinnitus is just something that happens and that I can live with it, nothing bad is going to happen, which is all fine and good I suppose – but I don’t really care about the tinnitus, I say, it’s the headaches and dizziness that are bothering me, the tinnitus is just a bonus. He said that he was sure that I was fine but he could see that I was very disappointed, it wasn’t his fault so I explained to him that I’ve had related problems since I was 19, I’m now 35, and nobody ever does anything, they just talk to me and send me on my way; I resign myself to the fact that nothing is going to happen right now and try again in a few years, it’s a never-ending pattern of nothing happening and me getting sick of feeling spaced, dizzy, disoriented and now suffering from tinnitus and headaches too.

So at last something happens, he says I can have a scan to see if there is a problem – for the first time in 16 years someone is actually arranging for an actual physical look at me, they’re actually going to do something! He looked in a draw to find the right form to fill in and couldn’t find one, so he tells me to wait a while and I just sit there grinning, thinking how great it is that something might actually be done for me… But wait, while he went to find the form he had a talk with another doctor who reckoned that having a scan would be a bad thing for me, that if they did find something small it would freak me out or something. He came back and told me this, told me that they’d decided I shouldn’t have a scan after all – only minutes after I’d been told absolutely that I could! I couldn’t believe it, I’d gone from feeling the most positive about my symptoms I’ve ever been, to been fully miserable about them in the space of 5 minutes. The guy he spoke to didn’t even come and see me, didn’t speak to me at all! It’s a new low in my journey to find a doctor that will listen to me and help me.

All I can do is try again in another three or four years now. I’ve often read about these people that get totally let down by their doctors and turn to alternative medicine, but I’ve always thought there was a conventional treatment for me if only just one doctor, just one of them would listen to me and help me out. I don’t know how much alternative medicine could help me with this, but I’m seriously considering it now as it feel like I keep coming up against a brick wall with conventional GPs.

By Jonathan Malory